My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
