it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
