Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
