Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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