She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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