I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
