but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
