we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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