just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
