Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
