pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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