if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
