I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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