Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
