Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
