The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
