Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
