This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
