Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
