You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize