I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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