It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
