He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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