Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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