He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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