I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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