she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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