At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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