I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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