I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
