Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
