nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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