It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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