also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
