So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
