drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
