...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That accounts for only three of the penises
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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