he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize