I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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