Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you win again, gameday.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
