If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize