AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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