You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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