I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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