so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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