You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
