Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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