Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
