ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
