There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
