so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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