i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
