did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I have demons in me.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
