I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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