I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize