if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
