What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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