All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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