You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
