Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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