just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
