So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
