my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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