The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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