Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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