We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
