I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
