We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
