so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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