someone get that fucking seahorse.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize