Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will be naked everywhere
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
